Welcome visitor!      Log in     Profile       Subscribe to The Official Site of Author, Humorist and TV Personality Alison JamesNews Feed

How to Avoid Being the Job Candidate from Hell

April 16, 2010 by Alison  
Filed under Alison's Blog, Career, Featured Posts

Many people are out of work because they live in an area where there aren’t enough jobs to go around.  But some people are out of work for another reason – they scare the crap out of prospective employers. 

Friends of mine who have done some hiring at different companies shared with me horror stories about the resumes they’ve received and the scary candidates that they’ve met.

Based on these stories, I would like to offer a few job search tips.  Please pass these tips along to your flakiest friends, email them to your clueless neighbor, and share them with that unemployed guy your roommate is dating who has been living in your apartment for six months. 

Get the word out to everyone. If you want to get a job, there are some things you simply should not do, for example:

*  Spell the name of the company wrong that you are applying to work for — or spell anything wrong for that matter.  For god’s sake, have someone check your resume over before you send it out the door!

*  Explain gaps in your employment history with bizarre details about your personal life like “Had female issues” or “Broke up with my boss and therefore had to quit.”

*  Stroll into an interview fifteen minutes late and tell the prospective employer that you got sidetracked because there was “a big sale going on at the store across the street.”

*  Show up to an interview wearing giant sunglasses and never take them off the entire time.

*  Stink like you’ve never stunk before. Before meeting your prospective boss, work up some good B.O.

*  Talk about really depressing things so that by the time you leave, the person interviewing you wants to jump off a cliff. 

*  Tell the prospective employer that your “biggest flaw” is that you really hate working.

*  Bring a sandwich wrapped in tinfoil to the interview and start eating it halfway through.

*  Take a cell phone call during the interview and finish making your Friday night plans with your friend while the interviewer waits patiently.

*  Tell the prospective employer that the reason you want to work for their company is because you are totally desperate and right about now even a crappy job will do.

If you are doing any of these things, it’s time to reevaluate your job search approach. Fix up your resume, practice interviewing, and make a firm commitment to personal hygiene. These three small changes will dramatically increase your chances of getting a job and help you avoid earning the title of “Job Candidate from Hell.”   

Copyright © 2010 Alison James

One Way His New Job Will Affect You That You Didn’t Think Of

July 16, 2009 by Alison  
Filed under Alison's Blog, Career, Featured Posts, Relationships

If the guy in your life is looking for a new job, at some point he will ask you for your opinion on where he should work.  As you consider his options, you’ll probably think about how much each job pays, what his responsibilities will be, and the type of people he’ll be working with.  But before you give him your recommendation, there is another critical factor you must consider:  What stores will be across the street from his new office?

Why, you ask?  Well, think back to the gifts he gave you for your birthday, your anniversary, and other holidays.  Do you see a pattern?  He bought all of them at one of the stores near his office, didn’t he?

Men buy gifts at the last minute.  They run out during their lunch hour on Valentine’s Day and buy the last card on the rack at CVS.  They stop on the way home from work on your birthday to buy you whatever they find at the front of the nearest store.   So, if your guy works near a Taco Bell, you can pretty much count on receiving a coupon for a bean burrito for your next anniversary.  If you don’t like bean burritos, you might want to steer him toward that job in the jewelry district.  Copyright © 2009 Alison James

surprise