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One Type of Man You Need to Dump Immediately

September 8, 2010 by Alison  
Filed under Alison's Blog, Featured Posts, Relationships

Conflict between man and womanDo you feel uneasy in your relationship, like the guy you’re dating has you on edge all the time but you can’t quite put your finger on what is wrong?  Does he get mad at you for stupid things?  Is he moody?  Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him because you don’t want him to snap at you? 

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, he sounds like a total jackass.  But more importantly, you could be in a verbally abusive relationship and you might not even know it yet.   

Many women hear the words “verbal abuse” and they immediately think “No woman in her right mind would put up with that kind of crap.”  But many smart, confident, successful women do find themselves in verbally abusive relationships because this type of abuse isn’t always easy to detect at first.  These men don’t yell and scream and hurl insults on the first date.  In fact, these men can be very charming and charismatic. 

Their abuse starts out in very subtle ways.  Then, they step it up over time becoming increasingly manipulative and controlling.  A woman in this situation grows accustomed to the abuse, adapting to it in a way that makes it difficult for her to see it for what it is.

Here are just a few behaviors that you might not recognize as abuse right off the bat:

*  He refuses to talk to you or listen to your feelings or concerns.  He basically ignores you when you want to talk to him about something that is important to you.  It’s not like he ignores you once in a while when he’s watching a game on TV.  He does it all the time.   

* He contradicts most of the things you say.  He never agrees with you or affirms your viewpoint.

* When you get upset, he tells you that you’re too sensitive or that you overreact to everything. 

* He judges you and criticizes you all the time but then says “I am only trying to help you.” 

* He insults you but insists that he is “Just joking.”

* When you point out to him the fact that he is doing these things to you and that it is hurtful, he refuses to admit that he’s done something wrong.      

The very subtle nature of verbal abuse is what makes it so incredibly dangerous.  It can go on in a relationship for weeks, months, or even years before a woman fully understands what is happening to her. 

And abusive men do have “good days” when they are kind and caring and funny.  These men aren’t always crazy and controlling.  These “good times” make it harder for a woman to recognize a guy’s behavior as abusive. 

In fact, many women blame themselves when a guy acts in an abusive way.  They think “Maybe I did something to set him off.  Maybe I am overreacting.  Maybe I’m too sensitive.  Everyone else thinks he’s a nice guy so I must be crazy.” 

But you aren’t crazy!  If you are dating or married to a verbally abusive guy, he is slowly sucking the life out of you and you need to get out of the relationship.

If you think you might be in a verbally abusive relationship, I highly recommend you read the book The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.  It provides an in depth look at verbal abuse, what it is, how it makes you feel, and how to respond once you realize that you are in a verbally abusive relationship.

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Comments

2 Responses to “One Type of Man You Need to Dump Immediately”
  1. Ripper says:

    This was one of your best posts yet. Great insight.

  2. tonilaw says:

    Woman don’t need to feel like they have to have a man to feel complete. They should learn how to feel complete within themselves, and a supportive man is just a bonus.

    If he needs to know where you are at every moment, or you feel the same way about him, there is no trust – and if you can’t trust someone you can’t love them. It’s an insecurity in the person who needs to be so close.

    If he needs to belittle you to make himself feel important you lose your self-esteem and start to believe you are what he makes you feel.

    In any of these situations – run as fast as you can in the opposite direction!

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