Go Ahead, Eat That Extra Piece of Pie!

I have no idea how I ended up on the mailing list for these bizarre catalogs like “Home Trends” “Collections Etc.“ and “Lillian Vernon.“  But every month the postman kindly drops several of them in our mailbox and they are addressed to me. 

At first, I was freaked out when I opened one up and saw products like hair nets and denture cream.  I figured someone is playing a joke on me or the universe is trying to remind me that I’m getting older.

But after flipping through a few pages, I was hooked.  These catalogs are priceless gems that provide comic relief like nothing I have ever read before. 

Here are a few of the items featured in one of the catalogs that arrived last week.  After seeing these babies, I am looking forward to eating that extra piece of pie this weekend!   

So Many Fun Ways to Torment Men, So Little Time

If you are looking for a fun way to torment the man in your life, here is one that works every time. Your boyfriend, your husband, your coworker and even your roommate will react to this subtle form of playful emasculation. 

Here’s what you do:  Regardless of what he’s wearing — a business suit, a t-shirt and jeans, athletic gear, or a service uniform of some kind — look at him and in the most sincere voice you can muster, say “Wow, I love your cute little outfit.”  Then, excuse yourself to use the ladies room and let the words seep into his brain.

Men do not think of the clothes they wear as an “outfit,” let alone a “cute little outfit.”  So when you zing these words his way, they will catch him off guard and strip away his masculinity before he even knows what hit him.

You can use this torment technique on a guy just to tease him, or you can use it to really annoy that egomaniac in your life. 

Just imagine these scenarios:

The jerk you work with comes into the office one day wearing a nice, expensive-looking, classy suit.  He clearly thinks he looks awesome.  What do you do?  You go in for the kill of course.  Catch him in the hallway when a bunch of other people are around and yell out “Wow, I loooove your cute little outfit.”  Then, promptly walk to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.

Or

Your college boyfriend has been a schmuck lately.  Now, he’s looking for his baseball uniform before his big game.  His friends are waiting for him at the door.  What do you do?  You help him out of course.  Yell to him “I think I saw your cute little outfit upstairs hanging on the back of the door.”

But remember – it’s all in the delivery.  When you say “cute little outfit,” be sweet, sincere, and nonchalant, as if there is absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about those words.   Let the phrase roll off your tongue so it takes him a minute to realize that you just hit his manliness in a way that it’s never been hit before.   

Sigh…so many fun ways to torment men, so little time.  

 

 

Copyright © 2010  Alison James

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