Stop Making Excuses for the Loser in Your Life

Not all men are created equal; some are total jackasses.  Yet, even when we are dating the biggest jerk on the planet, we come up with a hundred reasons why we shouldn’t dump him.  We think “What if I don’t meet someone better?” or “Maybe it’s my fault that he acts like a total psycho sometimes.” 

Don’t let twisted rationalizations stop you from moving on to bigger and better men. 

Never continue to date a guy just because:

*  Your mother thinks he’s wonderful.  She also thought that puke green sweater was cute that she bought you for your birthday.  What matters is how you feel about him and how he treats you.

*  You are used to him.  You could also get used to a giant wart on your hand but you’d still be better off without it. 

*  He promised to get help for his anger issues and this time he really means it, damn it!

*  He hasn’t done drugs in an entire week and you think this is a sign that he’s finally overcoming his addiction.

*  You feel bad for him.  All men can be pitiful at times but if you feel pity every day when you look at him lying there, it’s time to call it quits.

*  You feel like someday he might hold down a decent job.  Don’t love him for the man you imagine he could be.  Break up with him for the half-a-man that he is.

*  There is a wedding, holiday or other family event coming up in a few months and you need a date.  There are plenty of potential dates out there.  Don’t waste a month of your life dating a loser just so you don’t have to face your crazy relatives alone. 

* He’s the first guy who ever called when he was supposed to.  If those phone calls are making him shine above the rest, it’s time to meet more men.

* All your friends are dating someone or married.   If this is the case, it’s also time to make new friends!

* Because you are afraid you won’t meet someone better.  There are a gazillion single men in the world, which means no matter who you are dating, there is someone better.  

If a guy doesn’t treat you with the respect you deserve, it’s time to kick him to the curb along with all the excuses and rationalizations that have been keeping you in the relationship.  Remember: if you’re willing to settle for less than what you deserve, you will get it every time. 

Copyright 2010 © Alison James.

Do Trampy Women Cause Earthquakes?

Do trampy women cause earthquakes?  It’s a question I frequently ask and today the answer to this mystery was finally revealed.  “A senior Iranian cleric says women who wear immodest clothing and behave promiscuously are to blame for earthquakes” the Associated Press reports.  Here is a quote from the article:  

“Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes,” Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media.  Sedighi is Tehran’s acting Friday prayer leader.

I don’t even know what to say.  I’m speechless. 

I mean, how did he know?  How did he finally figure out that we, in our glorious slut gear, are responsible for plate tectonics? 

This is how it happens:  Women go outside revealing a little too much leg, (or if you are in Iran, a little too much wrist).  Then, within hours, the earth opens up and swallows an entire city.  

It’s that simple.  Yet, oddly enough, even my college Geology professor didn’t see the link. 

Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi – you’ve really done it!  And in your honor, I think it is only right that scientists call your discovery “The Ho Theory of Plate Tectonics.” 

Here is a link to the full article on yahoo news.  Read and enjoy!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100419/ap_on_re_mi_ea/ml_iran_earthquakes_promiscuity

 

How to Avoid Being the Job Candidate from Hell

Many people are out of work because they live in an area where there aren’t enough jobs to go around.  But some people are out of work for another reason – they scare the crap out of prospective employers. 

Friends of mine who have done some hiring at different companies shared with me horror stories about the resumes they’ve received and the scary candidates that they’ve met.

Based on these stories, I would like to offer a few job search tips.  Please pass these tips along to your flakiest friends, email them to your clueless neighbor, and share them with that unemployed guy your roommate is dating who has been living in your apartment for six months. 

Get the word out to everyone. If you want to get a job, there are some things you simply should not do, for example:

*  Spell the name of the company wrong that you are applying to work for — or spell anything wrong for that matter.  For god’s sake, have someone check your resume over before you send it out the door!

*  Explain gaps in your employment history with bizarre details about your personal life like “Had female issues” or “Broke up with my boss and therefore had to quit.”

*  Stroll into an interview fifteen minutes late and tell the prospective employer that you got sidetracked because there was “a big sale going on at the store across the street.”

*  Show up to an interview wearing giant sunglasses and never take them off the entire time.

*  Stink like you’ve never stunk before. Before meeting your prospective boss, work up some good B.O.

*  Talk about really depressing things so that by the time you leave, the person interviewing you wants to jump off a cliff. 

*  Tell the prospective employer that your “biggest flaw” is that you really hate working.

*  Bring a sandwich wrapped in tinfoil to the interview and start eating it halfway through.

*  Take a cell phone call during the interview and finish making your Friday night plans with your friend while the interviewer waits patiently.

*  Tell the prospective employer that the reason you want to work for their company is because you are totally desperate and right about now even a crappy job will do.

If you are doing any of these things, it’s time to reevaluate your job search approach. Fix up your resume, practice interviewing, and make a firm commitment to personal hygiene. These three small changes will dramatically increase your chances of getting a job and help you avoid earning the title of “Job Candidate from Hell.”   

Copyright © 2010 Alison James

Tax Q&A: Can a Bad Date Ever Be Deducted as a Charitable Donation on Your Tax Return?

April 15^th is right around the corner so I want to take the time to answer a question that a lot of women have, one that the IRS website simply doesn’t address:  Can a bad date ever be deducted as a charitable donation on your tax return?

It probably seems like the answer should be an unequivocal “yes” when you recall some of the dates you went on last year that felt more like extraordinary acts of altruism than the beginning of romance. 

You might be thinking “I tried to teach that guy basic social skills out of the kindness of my heart!  Doesn’t that count for something?” or “I kept that scary dude off the market for six weeks while I dated him.  Isn’t that sort of like law enforcement?” 

It seems like women often have to step in and help out where a man’s parents have failed him, the educational system has failed him, or worse yet, psychiatry has failed him.  But unfortunately, despite all of these acts of giving that we do each year, most men do not qualify for the 501(c)(3) status that would make them a tax-exempt charity.  So, the time we spend dealing with them is not deductible. 

Someday, when more women work for the IRS, I fully expect this rule to change.

Men Visit “Peep World” in Honor of Easter Holiday

I’m excited to report that a few days ago I came across an establishment in New York City dedicated exclusively to our yellow marshmallow friends, Peeps!

Much to my surprise, dozens of men were hanging around outside this hole-in-the-wall shop waiting to show their dedication to these little chicks.

It’s always nice to see men getting into the spirit of Easter.  Happy Easter everyone!