Is Obama’s Package Way Too Big?

Ladies, we all know that size matters.  When a package is too small, we shudder when we see it knowing that it won’t have much force, it can’t get much done and ultimately it won’t satisfy us.

But isn’t the same true when a man’s package is too big?  Whether you like a guy or not, and whether you agree with him and think he’s cool or not, when he presents you with a giant package, I mean an extraordinarily large, enormous package, isn’t that just as scary as a tiny one?

If a man’s package is too big, we have to be afraid of what it can do.  We have to worry that it is going to hurt us even if that’s not what he intended.  When a package is gigantic, it often has too much force and unintended consequences.

When I saw that the Health Care Bill Congress just passed was thousands of pages long, I immediately thought “It’s so long, thick and complex that we won’t truly know what it means for us or how it will affect our country for years to come, and no one in Congress probably really knows either.”  And that notion scares me a bit.  When a package is that big, it just seems like a guy should take it slow.  You know, ease into it.

Even though I do agree with parts of this plan, I am having trouble getting over the fact that it is seriously one big ass package.   Copyright © 2010 Alison James

When Men Bake Saint Patrick’s Day Cookies

It’s not every day that a guy bakes Saint Patrick’s Day cookies, but believe it or not, last night it happened. He got out the cookie sheets, a roll of Slice ‘N Bake sugar cookie dough, and went at it.

It was all going fine for a while. Nothing was on fire, the kitchen was still intact, and no alarms were going off. But at some point, the testosterone-filled part of his brain took over and he started adventure-seeking – in the kitchen. I could see the gears turning in his little head, searching frantically for a way to spice up the cookie baking experience.

It all went downhill from there.

I would hear him mumble under his breath “I wonder what would happen if [insert insane suggestion].” And finally he had a bright idea that he put into action. “I wonder what would happen if I baked the green gel right into the cookies instead of putting it on top of them after they cool.”

So, here you have it – a Saint Patrick’s Day sugar cookie…sort of.  He is calling it a “lucky cookie” but it looks like its luck ran out a long time ago.

Some of the Greatest Lessons I’ve Learned in Life Have Come from Office PowerPoint Presentations

If you don’t work in an office setting and you’ve never received a 30-page PowerPoint presentation outlining someone’s latest and greatest new business idea, you might not appreciate this post. 

Everyone else will understand what I mean when I say some of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in life…or should I say “insights I’ve gained”…have come from PowerPoint presentations that my coworkers have given. 

PowerPoint presentations teach us that:

• Even the most dumbass idea looks intelligent if you present it with colorful charts and graphs.  

 

• It is actually possible to say the exact same thing three hundred and fifty different ways.

 

• If you don’t have anything worthwhile to say, you can cover it up by telling meaningless stories.  It will take people a while to figure out that you aren’t really making any point.

 

• Use big words if you want to hide the fact that you’re dumb as shit.  Throw into the discussion phrases like “synergy savings” “best practices” and “core competencies.”

 

• Men are like children — If you want them to pay attention, you have to present information with music and colorful animation. 

 

• Encourage people to express their opinions.  Once they get going, you can tune out and think about your plans for the weekend.

 

• Almost every really good idea can be summed up in two sentences.  If it takes longer than that to explain, someone is trying to pull one over on you.